Grounded in psychology. Designed for real life.
In 1959, sociologist Erving Goffman noticed something interesting: we're all performers on different stages.1 The way you talk to your grandmother isn't how you talk to your boss. That's not fake — it's human.
But somewhere along the way, we forgot how to switch between stages.
We check work emails in bed. We scroll social media while sitting next to loved ones. Social scientists call this context collapse2 — when all our relationships blur into one flat surface.
The result? We retreat to small talk because it's the only thing that feels safe everywhere.
SonderSync is built on a simple idea:
Different relationships need different kinds of conversation.
Just as a house needs different rooms — a kitchen for cooking, a bedroom for rest — your social life needs distinct spaces for distinct connections.
We mapped 8 essential dimensions based on decades of relationship research. Think of it as a compass for navigating your conversations.
(Light to Deep)
Psychologists Altman and Taylor3 compared human personality to an onion — layers that unfold over time. To reach the core, you peel back the layers in order.
This is where you build psychological safety. Amy Edmondson's research4 shows that people need to feel safe before they can be vulnerable.
Our lighter decks — 'Icebreaker', 'Watercooler', 'Favorites' — are designed to minimize stress and maximize fun. They create the space where play and laughter happen naturally.
This is where real intimacy happens. 'Heart to Heart', 'The Inner Circle', 'The Check-In' live here.
Attachment Theory5 tells us you can't explore the scary parts of your psyche without a secure base. Our deeper decks provide that structure — prompts that let you discuss fears, desires, and failures without the relationship breaking.
The key insight
Start light, go deep when you're ready. Never force a deep question in a light moment — that's not connection, that's pressure.
(Past to Future)
Your brain processes 'where I came from' differently than 'where I'm going.'6 Both matter for feeling known.
'Roots & Wings', 'Generations', 'The Vault of Youth' — these decks help you explore where you came from.
Psychologist Dan McAdams7 shows that we're not static beings — we're stories. Engaging with your past isn't just nostalgia; it's how you make sense of who you are.
'Dream Big', 'The Blueprint', 'The Philosopher' — these decks explore where you're going.
This is where couples align on what they want from life. Where friends dream out loud. Where colleagues debate the future of their industry.
The key insight
A healthy relationship travels both directions. You need to know where you came from to know where you're going together.
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar8 found something surprising: while we can know about 150 people, we can only maintain about 5 truly close relationships.
These 5 people — your 'support clique' — have outsized impact on your happiness, health, and how long you live.9
Yet most of us treat these friendships on autopilot — occasional texts, memes, 'we should catch up soon.'
Our 'Inner Circle' decks are designed specifically for these relationships. Real questions for your ride-or-dies: Are we drifting apart? How can I support you better?
Because these people deserve more than autopilot.
1 Goffman, E. (1959). The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. Anchor Books.
2 Marwick, A. E., & boyd, d. (2011). "I tweet honestly, I tweet passionately: Twitter users, context collapse, and the imagined audience". New Media & Society, 13(1).
3 Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social Penetration: The Development of Interpersonal Relationships. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
4 Edmondson, A. (1999). "Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams". Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2).
5 Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
6 Trope, Y., & Liberman, N. (2010). "Construal-Level Theory of Psychological Distance". Psychological Review, 117(2).
7 McAdams, D. P. (2001). "The Psychology of Life Stories". Review of General Psychology, 5(2).
8 Dunbar, R. I. M. (1992). "Neocortex size as a constraint on group size in primates". Journal of Human Evolution, 22(6).
9 Antonucci, T. C. (1980). "Social relations: An examination of social networks, social support, and sense of control". Handbook of the Psychology of Aging.